Pamala Kennedy's Blog

Blink

If you are like me, you cannot believe how fast my life is zooming by at the speed of light! I have been reminiscing today, perhaps it is because yet another year has flown by, faster than the year before. Each year I vow to not allow this coming year to evaporate like the one before, but it seems I remain powerless over this phenomenon! Ahhh, what to do? The older I get, the faster the days pass. This is consistent with a lot of unsolicited advice I was given growing up.

Advice like: When my children were young, that annoying, elderly aunt would tell me to slow down and enjoy them more, that they would be gone in a blink of an eye, she was right! My grandmother told me every year not to wish that I was older, that I would get there soon enough! And, she was right! My dad advised me not to ‘hate my big brother’, that one day I would cherish him and his unique personality, he was right! My mentor encouraged me that, “this too shall pass” and that I would grow from the hurtful incident, and she was right! All of this advice, as well as much more that I didn’t take seriously at the time, was right! I would like to go back and have a redo, but as I recall, I was also told that couldn’t happen either. So, what have the important people in your life been telling you? You just might want to take it seriously and comply!

I am older now, I can’t go back, so what can I do to recover from ignoring much good advice? I have decided to still attempt to slow down the years, by slowing down my days. To really live in the moment I have decided to make sure I do a few things right, like; Take in and remember a beautiful sunset or scene, relish a delicious taste, soak up the sweet love given and count it a blessing, feel the feelings, truly listen to what others are saying, take a lot of mental photographs as well as real ones. Basically, listen and remember, because in the end I think there will be more sitting alone and…remembering the scenes, the tastes, the love, the conversations, the feelings, the mental pictures saved on your brain’s hard drive! Personally I want a lot of them! I want them to be good, ones that I am proud of, not those filled with regret.

I leave you with this important memory of mine.

I was five, visiting my grandma Condit during the Christmas season. We were in the kitchen, where she spent most of her time, by the way. She was a culinary genius, everything from scratch, from memory of course. As I watched her sift this and reach for that, my eyes latched onto a beautiful sight sitting on the very top shelf of her kitchen cupboard. “Grandma” I said sheepishly. “Those are the most beautiful green glasses in the world, aren’t they?”

Oh Lordly Pamma”, (that’s what she called me all of my life, not Pam, not Pamala, but…Pamma!) “those are just plain ol’ green glasses I got in my flour sacks. I’ve just been keepin’ ‘em up there, cause they’re so fragile and all. But they are purdy, aren’t they?”

They are the most beautiful glasses in the world I am sure of it!” I spoke with five year old confidence. Then I bravely asked, “would you save them and give them to me when I get married?”

Well, we’ll see, ya know I have a lot of grandchillin’, and you won’t be gettin’ married for a long, long time, but we’ll wait and see, now run along and play with the others, I gotta finish up dinner.”

It would be about 16 years later that “we’ll see” came to pass. There were many elaborately wrapped gifts on the gift table at my wedding reception that day, but when I opened the plainly wrapped cardboard box from my grandma Condit, my heart leap with sweet delight. As I looked at her and mouthed, “Thank you”. She smiled at me with deep satisfaction followed by her famous giggle, she was delighting in a moment, a conversation, a love filled moment of her life. My Grandma had given me the best gift of all. It really wasn’t the green glasses from the flour sacks, although I love and cherish them still! But the fact that she had listened to a five year olds request and remembered…that’s what I want to do, how about you?

This past week my five year old granddaughter Emma asked me to save a special ring for her. I have saved the memory on my brain’s hard drive forever. She was sitting on my lap, playing with my hands, she stopped at my pinky on the left hand and said with disappointment, “Mimi where is the ring with the heart on it, I love that ring”. “It’s here on my other hand Emma, I took it off and placed it on her chubby little ring finger, and it fit perfectly. “Mimi will you save it for me ‘til I’m bigger, for when I won’t lose it?”

You bet I will! This picture attached to the blog is Emma and I this year at Christmas, in memory of me and my Grandma Condit, I don’t have a hard copy of a picture with her when I was five, but trust me I have one, I have one!

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Lesson’s in Sisterhood

You may or not have a sibling sister, and if you do, you may or may not be close. But one thing for certain; all female’s at some point in their lives will search for sisterhood. I think it must start in the nursery at the hospital. From the very beginning we look in the bounds of our present environment to find a soul mate sister. I remember watching my innocent toddler daughters offer tokens of friendship through sharing a beloved toy, or fruit snack, hoping for it to be reciprocated. Their expectant hearts and hands open to get something in return for this attempt at friendship. However, many times disappointment ripped them of both. Ahh, the pain of rejection! The sting of betrayal! It hurts!

If you are reading this, I imagine there is at least one betrayal that still remains on your radar. I have a photo which I keep on my desk as a reminder of the most brutal “Judas” in my life. Why do I keep it within eyeshot? Am I a sadist who enjoys reliving pain? Just the opposite! I have it there to remind me that my friendship is valuable, and not everyone has earned the right to walk into my heart. It has taken me most of my life to realize this, but knowing it has kept my heart from breaking so often. What have I learned from her specifically? Below are questions and guidelines that my “Judas” helped me develop:

  • Do not share confidences with anyone who has not first proven to be trustworthy, no matter how willing they are to become my friend.
  • First I need to know what their track record is with other friendships before committing to it.
  • Does she criticize or put down other girls/women regularly?
  • Can she genuinely be happy for me and others when something great happens in our life? Or does she display jealousy?
  • Does she seem to want to compete with me, even in small ways? (Like determined to bring a better dessert than me to a party, etc?
  • Can she sincerely complement me in the presence of others? The last part of this rule is the most important.
  • Does this person hold the same life values as I do? This is more important than you can imagine.

Being successful at this is definitely achieved through trial and error. We start out trusting everyone’s heart, thinking, “surely she loves me like I love her, right”? Unfortunately it’s usually wrong. How do I know, what research brings me to this conclusion? Pain and joy; my personal experience of pain through betrayal and finding joy in authenticity.

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